I'll be there, will you be there for me?

When we're down and troubled and we need a helping hand, we often comtemplate the meaning of FRIENDSHIP.

The common belief is that when times are tough, true friends are there and those times are the easiest teasts of a friendship.

It's easy to say, "I'm very happy for you". But how can we tell when the speaker ia sincere? We might test this by sharing only good news for a short time. Can this person listen to these details? It is easy for us to share them? If not, it may be because we are subtly trained to complain. RE-experiencing our joys in the telling of them should not diminish those joys - it reduces the original experiences. The effect is very subtle: When we complain, the listener seems so comforting that it can be difficult to recognise the negative dynamic that may be operating. The listener, too, may be oblivious given the supportive frame for the consoling interaction, It gives new meaning to the saying, "A friend in nees is a friend in deed". Ironically, the complanier is the friends in deed.

A real friend can be happy for someone independent of his and her own life experience. We may be able to do this id we don't compete with or envy others. We may also ve more likely to put cmpetitiveness and envy aside by recohnising that the relationship is not zero-sum: One winner and one loser. This stance - that the more one has, the less the other has - unwittingly robs both parties.Sharing someone's happiness can be its own positive experience and anable us to enjoy and relieve it together. Attention to this mutual, positive need will likely be noticed and, in the long run, better serve the friendship. Just think about it: Wouldn't it be nice to have a friend, indeed, support this need?